


Demons of Your Past

by Writing_Sux



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Child Death, Deep Emotions, F/F, Implied Sexual Assault, Not Fluff, Past Child Abuse, Violence, no Hoo's, obliterate canon, read the notes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-30
Packaged: 2018-08-22 17:02:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8293327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writing_Sux/pseuds/Writing_Sux
Summary: Set in a post-Emma being the Dark One universe (but obliterating canon because if the show can do it so can I). Emma is lost. She can't figure out who she is anymore especially with the lingering traces of darkness in her. After an encounter with Regina she turns to Gold for help.





	1. Plastic Bag Blowing In The Wind

**Author's Note:**

> Unlike my other stories this one is going to be angsty and less fluffy. This is also a brand spanking new story, so I will update as I write the story. There is no H00d or H00k, and I don't believe in canon. Right now the rating is at Teen, but it will change and so will the warnings because we're dealing with Emma's demons. So hold tight, grab some tissues, and I'm sorry, I'm sorry, and I'm sorry. Happy reading!

Emma felt lost. It was something that she had been feeling ever since the Dark One curse had been removed from her and transferred back to Gold. After Merlin had extracted the curse from her, she, and everyone else, had been happy and relieved that she wasn’t the Dark One any longer, but that feeling didn’t last long for Emma. Here it was a week later, and she felt off. She felt like her life wasn’t her own anymore. Emma didn’t feel like the Savior because of the darkness that still lingered within her, and in general, she no longer felt like Emma Swan.

She was walking by Granny’s and Emma glanced at the front of the diner, stopping to look through the front window. Sitting in the booth that was in front of it were her mother, father, Henry, and Regina. Emma watched them as they ate and laughed, and there was a feeling of disconnect as she did. She felt some stirrings of a familial bond towards them, but at the same time she also felt like she didn’t belong with them. It was a feeling that she was familiar with because she used to feel the same way when she bounced around from home to home when she was in the system. Emma hadn’t felt that way in awhile, but now it was a constant feeling that she couldn’t shake.

Dark eyes looked out the window and scanned the outside of the diner before they met Emma’s green ones. The brown eyes were confused for a second then concern shone in them. Not being able to handle the worry that Regina was showing for her, Emma turned and walked away from the diner. The woman had tried to get her to talk, but Emma didn’t want to talk to her. It had nothing to do with her personally; she just didn’t want to have an in-depth, emotional conversation with Regina. Emma didn’t want to place that kind of emotional burden on her. Regina was finally living the life that she had always longed for. She had finally realized that her happy ending wasn’t with others, but with herself and with the family that she had come to have. Regina was finally comfortable with the life that she was living.

Emma could tell that she was more content with her life and was happier. Regina wasn’t the same woman that she had been when Emma had first come to Storybrooke. She was softer and wasn’t so full of anger. Emma missed it at times. She missed seeing the burning anger that the woman would display at the drop of a dime and the way she would silence a person with a glare. Emma’s thoughts wandered to the Evil Queen and she longed to see what that side of Regina was like. Emma shook her head and scowled. She had yet to find a way to deal with the darkness that was now a part of her personality. That was one of the main reasons why she had been staying away from people lately.

“It’s a shame isn’t it? They think everything is honky-dory with you, and yet, you silently suffer,” Emma heard a voice, with a subtle brogue, say behind her.

She let out a tired sigh then turned. Mr. Gold stood on the sidewalk, both hands resting atop of his cane. He was wearing one of his finely tailored suits, this one a subtle combination of red and black fabrics. A long wool coat was over the suit and there was a burgundy scarf draped over his shoulders. There was a slight smirk on his face and a mischievous glint in his eyes. Emma exhaled a wearisome sigh. “Go away, Gold.”

“I can help you, y’know,” he stated in a tone that was so certain Emma almost decided to continue the conversation, but she didn’t. She turned on her heel and continued to walk down the sidewalk that would take her from the center of town and to the docks. “I know what it’s like trying to find your footing after you’ve been violated.”

Emma tensed when the word violated came from the man. She took a steadying breath then turned and glowered at Gold. She walked closer to him. “I was not violated,” Emma said through clenched teeth.

“Ah, no. Of course you weren’t,” he remarked in a dry tone. He pinned her down with a hard stare. “You didn’t have the darkest magic known in all the realms inhabit your body and soul for months then have it stripped away from you. That must’ve been someone else.” Gold took a step closer to her. “You weren’t built to handle dark magic Miss Swan, being the product of true love saw to that. So to have anything other than light magic inhabit your body is nothing short of a violation, is it not?”

Emma’s skin crawled and not because of the man that was in front of her, but because of his use of the word violation. She knew what it felt like to be violated. It left your soul cold and would leave your body hollow until the feeling could be repressed and you were able to show some semblance of being a normal person. Taking on the curse of the Dark One didn’t do that. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling but at the same time she had welcomed it and its power. It strengthened her more than anything and she felt like she could do anything. More so than being the Savior did.

This was the reason why she was unable to settle back into her life, because on some level she missed the curse. She missed being the darkest of powers in all the realms, but that wasn’t something she could tell her family or those who claimed to be her friends. It would change their perception of her and she would rather be perceived as the Savior than as someone who desired the powers of the Dark One over those of the Savior.

Emma stared at the man in front of her and warned, “Choose your words wisely, Gold, or they will be the last ones that you will ever speak.”

A soft chuckle came from the man. “Ah, I see you have retained some properties of the Dark One after all, or is it your traumatic past that makes you forget that you are the epitome of good?”

Emma grabbed the man by the lapels of his coat and pulled him closer, threatening, “I said to choose your words wisely.”

Gold chuckled again then remarked in a calm tone that further angered Emma. “Have you forgotten that I’m the Dark One again, dearie, or have you gone daft?” The smirk on his face turned into a sneer. “You and the wizard made sure that I was such a vile creature once again. Taking away my one chance with Belle.”

Emma shoved him away. “That was your doing, no one else’s. You chose to give in to the impulses of the Dark One.” She scoffed. “You’re pathetic and weak.”

“Says the woman who is avoiding her family and hiding in some abandoned farm house on the outskirts of the town,” he said as fixed his coat and scarf.

Emma glared at him even though she wondered how he had known about her going to the farm house. She had been going there frequently because it allowed her to get away from everyone in town. She would go out there and sit in the middle of the field to think or she would go into the forest that surrounded the property and hunt. Emma had never hunted a day in her life before the dark curse, but now, after it, she had the desire to hunt. She figured it was because of the residual darkness that was now a permanent part of her.

Before Emma could come up with a retort a soft voice, full of concern, called out her name. “Emma…” She tore her gaze away from Gold and found Regina walking towards them.  When she was closer she asked, “Are you okay?” Her eyes flitted to Gold before they looked back at Emma.

Emma shoved her hands into the pockets of the long, high-collared wool coat that she wore. “I’m fine, Regina. Gold and I were just talking.”

“About?”

Emma shrugged. “It was nothing.”

Regina moved closer to her and lowered her voice, asking, “Are you sure?” Emma nodded. She didn’t want to have this conversation with Regina. In fact she wanted to get very far away from the woman. She wasn’t up for the mental acrobatics that she would need to perform in order to avoid a conversation about herself. Regina’s brown eyes studied her for a moment longer then she turned to look at Gold. “Imp, what could you possibly want to discuss with Emma?”

He smirked at her then leaned in conspiratorially. “Dark One secrets. Nothing you would be interested in.”

Regina glared at him and countered. “Then you can move along since Emma is no longer the Dark One and has no secrets to share with you.”

He looked at Emma then his smirk turned into a grin. “Oh there are plenty of secrets to discuss. Isn’t there Miss Swan?”

Emma balled her hands into fists in her pockets as she scowled at the man. She wanted to do unspeakable things to him, torture him even, but she knew that was the darker side of her personality wanting to take control. Luckily, Regina interfered. “I suggest you leave before I make you.”

Gold glanced at Regina then back at Emma as he said, “When the mayor isn’t around to protect you,” that caused Emma to bristle, “and you’re ready for help, I think we can work out at deal.” A cloud of burgundy smoke enveloped him then he was gone.

“Dark, and cryptic. Gold is definitely the Dark One again,” Regina remarked in a sarcastic tone. She turned and looked at Emma. “What did he mean by ‘when you’re ready for help’? What could he possibly have to help you with?”

Emma figured there were a number of ways for her to navigate the conversation but she chose the quickest route. “I don’t need you protect me Regina and I don’t need you to protect me from Gold,” she snapped at the dark-haired woman in front of her.

Regina was stunned for a moment then she argued, “I wasn’t trying to protect you. I was trying to help you. It was obvious you-“

“Well don’t help me either!” Emma shouted. “If I need your help then I’ll fucking ask for it until then mind your own damn business.”

The anger that Emma had been reminiscing about appeared on Regina’s face and she went to open her mouth to argue, but stopped short. The anger disappeared then her eyebrows furrowed and she looked at Emma with intense concern. “Emma, please, talk to me. What’s going on?”

“Dammit, Regina, just leave me alone,” She stated before a plume of light gray smoke encircled her and teleported her to the field of the farmhouse.

Emma was standing in the middle of field and she let her head fall back then drew a deep breath. She tried to center herself and bleed out some of the anger that she was feeling but her moment was short lived. “You do not get to yell at me then run away like a coward without telling me why you’re so damn angry at me.”

“Leave me alone, Regina,” Emma demanded again. For a split second she wondered how the woman knew where she had gone, but then she realized that Regina had been watching her with magic. Over the last week she had this feeling that someone was watching her when she was alone, but there was never anyone around when she checked her surroundings.

“I’m not leaving until you tell me what is going through that tiny brain of yours.” She blew out an aggravated breath. “I can tell something is going on. You’re distant from everyone and you’re just not the Emma we know.”

Emma brought her head down and looked at Regina. The other woman was angry and frustrated with her, but this wouldn’t be the day that they would talk about what was going on with her. “You’re so fucking soft now. The Evil Queen wouldn’t have stopped and talked about feelings,” Emma pointed out in a mocking tone, the new dark side of her personality taking over. “In fact, I’m pretty certain she wouldn’t give two shits about me, but no, that’s not who you are anymore. You’re all soft and full of happy feelings because you’re content with life. Well, fricking whoop-dee-do, Regina, good for you. But just because you’re content with life doesn’t mean the rest of us have to be.”

Emma took a step closer to the other woman. “I was the Dark One, the most dark and powerful being in all the realms. Can you imagine what the hell that could have done to a person like me?” Emma’s gaze bore into Regina and she saw the woman swallow as she tried to come up with a response, but she failed to come up with one. “That’s what I thought, so leave me the fuck alone until you’re certain you can deal with the reality, because the Emma you once knew is fucking gone.”

Emma quickly turned around, her wool coat billowing behind her, then made her way to the dilapidated farmhouse. She had taken four steps before an invisible hand wrapped around her throat, and cut off her breathing. Emma clawed at her throat in a vain attempt to get it to release, but her attempts were futile. The hold lasted a second longer before it was quickly released. Emma chuckled and drew in several deep breaths as she recovered from being choked. She turned and looked at Regina. Emma stopped laughing when she saw the look of horror and panic written all over Regina’s face as she stared at her hand.

A flood of guilt washed over her. She had pushed Regina into a place that she had been trying to distance herself from, because she was trying to redeem herself for all the wrongs that she had committed in the past. Emma began to move closer to her, but stopped her movements when Regina’s head snapped up, her eyes wide with fear. “Regina, I’m sorry I-“ A cloud of dark purple smoke covered the dark haired woman then she was gone.

Emma balled up her hands and squeezed her eyes shut. She was so stupid. She had pushed Regina and now the woman was probably going to keep her distance from her so that she wouldn’t fall off the path of redemption again. Emma hated who she was now. She let out a frustrated yell, releasing magic as she did, causing bolts of lightning to strike around her and roaring thunder to reverberate through the clearing.

Minutes later, and feeling no better, Emma stopped her magic and her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath. Gray smoke covered her and she teleported to Gold’s shop. When she landed in the middle of the store Emma shouted in a hoarse voice, “Gold!”

The shop was silent for a moment then she heard the thump of his cane against the wooden floor as he made his way from the back of the shop. He walked through the jeweled curtain that hung in the doorway that went to the back. “My, my, my. I wasn’t expecting you so soon Miss Swan.”

Emma rushed over to the glass case and slapped her hands down on it. “I need your help. I-I-I-” She looked down at the glass then closed her eyes, drawing in a deep breath through her nose. She whispered, “I’m still a danger to my family. I have darkness in me still and I can’t control it. I don’t know who I am anymore.”

Gold was silent for a moment then he said, “I will agree to help you in exchange for a deal.”

Emma opened her eyes and looked up at him. She wondered what type of deal he would want to strike. “What kind of a deal?”

“I want you to help me control the Dark One,” he stated in a matter of fact tone.

Emma scoffed. “I can’t help you. This is why I’m here. I can barely control the little bit of darkness that is still inside of me.”

Gold clicked his tongue softly and held up a finger. “Ah, but that darkness is your own. The dark curse fed your inherent darkness, which was suppressed by you being the product of true love.”

“But you said I wasn’t built for darkness,” Emma said, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

Gold gave her a slight nod. “I did, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have the capability to harbor it. Given your childhood Miss Swan, you ever wonder why you’ve never resorted to violence or more sinister acts of crime?”

Emma thought about her childhood, but it was short-lived. Her childhood was filled with things that she didn’t want to relive. “What’s your point?”

“The light magic in you, which embodies all that is good, prevented you from doing so, and you weren’t able to dole out the retribution you so greatly deserved.” The all knowing smirk on Gold’s face made Emma think he knew more about her childhood than he already did. “When you took in the dark curse it diluted the light magic in you, and allowed your inherent darkness to grow. Now it’s taking on a life of its own because you have never dealt with what has caused it in the first place. Once you deal with that then you will be able control it.”

Emma swallowed nervously. Dealing with the issues that was causing the darkness inside of her was something that she wasn’t too thrilled about. She thought about backing out of the whole thing, but then the image of Regina’s face forced its way to the front of her mind. She had pushed Regina to do something that she no longer wanted to be associated with and she felt guilty for doing so. Emma sighed then asked, “And how am I supposed to do that?”

Gold had one simple response to the question. “Vision quest.”


	2. That Was Just A Taste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I've figured out where this thing is headed, so I've fixed the tags, and used the appropriate warnings. I understand if people decide to stop following this one.

“I’m sorry, what?” Emma asked then she wondered, “Isn’t that something that is reserved for those who are native to this country?”

Gold rolled his eyes and muttered, “A former Dark One who is socially contentious…great.” He sighed. “It’s the same ritual, sort of.”

“Sort of? And isn’t there some way for me to face my darkness without having to take a bunch of herbs that will knock me out and make me hallucinate? Like a vacation to some place warm?” Emma asked, though the question wasn’t a serious one. If anything she was stalling.

Gold had a deadpanned look on his face then he gave his head a slight shake. “Miss Swan, if you would like to deal with your problems then you will go on the vision quest. Also a magical vision quest works differently than the Native American ritual. You’ll be taking a potion and you won’t wake up until you have confronted all your demons so to speak.”

Emma thought about the vision quest. She didn’t like the idea of having to take some potion that would render her unconscious and have her remain so until she dealt with whatever the hell was going on with her. She narrowed her eyes at Gold. “What if I don’t confront all my issues? Do I just stay unconscious?”

Gold drew in a deep, irritated breath then plainly stated, “I don’t know. A magical vision quest is something that isn’t undertaken by many. Some would rather repress their issues instead of confronting them.”

“Speaking from experience?” Emma quipped, a small smirk playing on her lips when Gold glared at her.

He straightened his posture and said, “That is none of your concern Miss Swan. All you should be worried about is if you will be doing this or not.”

Emma chewed on the inside of her bottom lip. If the vision quest was going to help her regain the part of herself that she had lost when she had become the Dark One then she was going to try it. Not knowing what the darkness inside of her was capable of was something that she couldn’t risk. She didn’t want to hurt those that she cared about. Emma came to a decision but before she agreed to the deal she asked, “And what if I can’t help you control the Dark One?”

At that question, Gold smiled. He chuckled then told her, “You can help me.” He sighed. “I’m certain I’ll keep saying this until you get it through your thick Charming head.” Emma glared at him. “You are the product of true love. The properties of your magic are unknown but it is light magic. I have come up with a few theories that I would like to test, but I would only need a few drops of blood and a lock of your hair to satisfy our deal.”

Emma found the thought of Gold being in possession of her hair and blood a little disconcerting. “And what will you do with it?”

He shrugged. “I’ll put it in some potions and other concoctions that I hope will help me deal with my affliction.” Gold raised his eyebrows and asked, “So dearie, do we have a deal?”

Emma bit her bottom lip in apprehension. She was reluctant to strike a deal with Gold but she had no other option that would help her deal with the darkness that was inside of her. Emma stuck out her hand. “You have a deal.”

Gold shook her hand. “Good.” He moved to a section of the counter then lifted the wood panel. “Come to the back and I’ll give you the potion.”

“How can I be sure that you will protect me?” Emma wondered as she walked behind the counter. She didn’t trust Gold to protect her while she was conscious, so she trusted him even less when it came to her being unconscious.

Gold let out a small scoff then said, “I won’t be protecting you.” He glanced over his shoulder as he started walking to the back. “Your lot would barge into my shop and skin me alive if they found you here and unconscious.”

Emma had to agree with that considering her parents were the type that would act first then ask questions later. Throw in Regina, and Gold was more than right about him meeting his demise if they found her at his shop and unconscious. The two of them made it to the back then headed to the storage room. As she continued to follow the man Emma said, “You’re right.”

“I know I am,” Gold said as he walked over to a wall that had numerous shelves on it that held an assortment of magical objects. He plucked a vial off the highest one then walked back over to Emma. Gold held up the vial between his thumb and forefinger. As Emma warily studied the dark blue liquid he said, “Drink the entire vial and in a few seconds you will be transported to wherever your subconscious takes you.”

Emma swallowed hard then asked, “Will I be able to get hurt?”

Gold’s left eyebrow shot up. He didn’t probe her further on the question. “It shouldn’t, but as I said before, many aren’t willing to undergo a magical vision quest.”

Emma nodded. The more she found out about this vision quest the more uncertain she became. She didn’t know if delving into her subconscious would be more beneficial than trying to control her darkness on her own without doing so. She pulled her gaze away from the vile and looked at Gold. “What happens if I don’t do this? What would happen with my darkness?”

Gold lowered the vial and let out an annoyed sigh. “I suppose you could manage it, but at some point Miss Swan, you’ll be in a situation where you won’t be able to control it. Then what will you do? Hope that the damage is minimal and that your family and friends will be able to forgive you?” He scoffed. “But would you be able to live with what you have done? Speaking as someone who lives with a lot of regret and being the source of suffering for many people it does a number on the soul and psyche.”

“I didn’t think the Dark One was capable of feeling regret. I know I didn’t when I pulled the shit I did when I had the curse,” Emma remarked as she thought back on her time as the Dark One. She hadn’t done anything that affected those that were close to her, but when she had been transported to the Enchanted Forest after the curse had entered her, she terrorized numerous villages until her family and Regina had found her.

That week where the darkness had complete control of her, and her actions went unchecked; Emma had burned homes, tortured villagers, and caused nothing but total chaos and destruction. She still regretted her actions, and if she thought too long about them she would get sick to her stomach. Being that cruel and ruthless wasn’t who she was, but at the time she had done it all with a gleeful smile on her face.

Gold cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably. “Yes, well when I wasn’t the Dark One I still had the memories of my past and it’s not something, I as man, am proud of.” A sadistic smile came to his face. “But as the Dark One, I revel in it and yearn to cause the same death and destruction.” Gold winked at her. “It’s intoxicating, no?”

Internally, Emma felt an overwhelming urge to indulge in the same death and destruction that he spoke of. Remembering the euphoria that had washed over her as the villagers screamed and pleaded for their lives caused a rush to go through her. It had been intoxicating. She clenched her jaw and fought the darkness inside of her. She narrowed her eyes at Gold, “Provoke me again, and I won’t be able to stop what happens to you.”

Gold grinned. “I have to get my fun in somehow.” He held up the vile. “So what’s it going to be Miss Swan?”

She glared at the man for another second then focused on the vile. Emma may not want to face the repressed memories that fuelled her darkness; however she wasn’t going to allow herself to turn into some monster that rivaled the Dark One. She reached for the vial but Gold pulled it back. “What now?”

“I’ll need a lock of your hair and a few drops of blood to complete our deal,” Gold explained to her with a sickly, sweet smile on his face.

Emma nodded in agreement. He walked away from her and went over to a work bench that was on the other side of the room. While he was doing whatever he was doing Emma got lost in her thoughts. Opening doors that she had closed long ago caused a sense of dread to come over her. There were things that she had seen and experienced in the foster system that if she dwelled too long on them they would probably cause her to have an emotional breakdown, and she would probably end up in the psych ward under the hospital. Life didn’t get any better as she grew up; instead it only went downhill from there. Emma drew in a shaky breath and focused on being in the present.

A few seconds later Gold walked back over to her and he had a dagger, pair of scissors, and two vials. He set down the vials and scissors then held up the dagger, grinning. “Let’s start with the fun part.”

Emma rolled her eyes in irritation and held out her hand. Gold pierced the tip of her index finger with the dagger then picked up one of the vial to collect a few drops of her blood. When he was done the wound healed instantly. Impressed, Gold wondered, “When did you get so adept at healing magic?”

“I picked up a few things,” Emma stated in a flat tone. How and why she had become so proficient at healing magic was something that didn’t concern Gold. He offered her the scissors and Emma took them then cut off a lock of her hair. “Are we all set?”

Gold sealed the vials and said, “Indeed we are, dearie. Indeed we are.” He pulled the vial that held the potion in it out of his pocket and held it up. “It’s a pleasure doing business.”

Emma snorted then snatched the vial from him. She stared at it in the palm of her hand then looked back at Gold. “And you’re certain this will work?”

“That it will,” he said sounding certain of himself, and that only added more doubt to Emma’s conscience, but the deal was done.

Not bothering to thank Gold, a cloud of grey smoke covered Emma and transported her back to the farmhouse. She appeared at the bottom of the steps for the front porch then walked up them. When she was inside the house, and had the door closed, she waved her hand to start a fire in the fireplace. Another wave of her hand turned the old couch into a comfortable leather one. She magically sealed all the windows and entrances. Feeling secure about having her vision quest in the house, Emma took off her coat then hung it on the hook that was on the wall to her left. She walked over to the couch and sat down on it. With a snap of her fingers an onyx coffee table appeared in front of her then she set the vial down on it and stared at it.

She was doing this for herself, for her family and friends, and for the safety of the town. It was something she had to do because having some unknown darkness inside of her that had access to her magic was dangerous. Yet, knowing all of this, Emma still wasn’t certain on if she should drink the potion. She sat back against the couch and sighed. “So what if Regina had choked me? It doesn’t mean I need to-” She stopped talking to herself. It did mean that she needed to do this. Her darkness was uncontrolled and she needed to know more about it in order to control it. If it was unrestrained then that meant that she was also unrestrained and that was something Emma didn’t want to be.

Emma sighed again then leaned forward to get the vial off the coffee table. She pulled the cork out of it then sniffed the opening. It didn’t smell vile. It sort of smelled like a blue raspberry drink. Emma nervously swallowed then brought the vile to her lips before drinking the liquid in one gulp. It didn’t taste like blue raspberry. It tasted like gross cough syrup. That was the last, coherent thought that she was able to form before her heart started pounding in her chest and the room began to spin. Emma clutched at her chest then fell onto the couch before she rolled off of it and onto the floor. Her chest rose and fell in rapid succession as her breathing became erratic. Then she lost consciousness. 

* * *

Emma’s face scrunched as she felt something stinging her cheek. As she slowly regained consciousness she felt the stinging sensation again. It happened again then her brain finally realized what was going on. Someone was slapping her. The next slap was harder than the last and Emma’s eyes flew open. The wildly searched around for the person responsible for hitting her and her search didn’t last long because whoever had been slapping her took hold of her face. Emma blinked a few times to register the face that was now inches from her own. Her eyes squinted as she became confused. “Regina?”

The woman let go of her face and Emma’s head landed hard on the floor that was underneath her. Regina scoffed and remarked, “Don’t ever call me that. As you so eloquently put it earlier, that softer version of myself is nothing like me.”

Emma was now even more confused. If this wasn’t Regina then who….“The Evil Queen?”

“Your Majesty will do just fine.” She then got a sadistic grin on her face. “Unless you would like to see the evil side.”

Emma still had no idea what was going on. She looked around. She was still in the farmhouse and everything was still the same. Other than the Evil Queen she wasn’t sure if the potion had even worked. Emma groaned as she sat up then pushed off of the floor. The Queen watched her with an appraising gaze and she seemed to be appreciative of the view. Emma ran her hand through her hair. “Why are you here and what do you mean you’re not Regina?”

The Queen rolled her eyes in an exasperated manner. “You really are the offspring of that idiot and Snow.” She walked over to the couch and perched herself on the end of it. “I mean exactly what I said. I’m not Regina. I’m some creation of your deluded brain and your guide through the vision quest.”

Emma took in the woman that was sitting on the couch. She was dressed in leather pants, a deep red corset that showed off ample cleavage, and then there was the dramatic black overcoat that she wore. Emma was impressed by what her mind had created, but then again she had spent numerous occasions wondering what the Evil Queen was actually like. “Why would my mind chose you to be my guide?”

The Queen looked at her nails in a bored manner. “It must think I’m the only one that can deal with the sick twisted shit that you’ve been through in life.” She smirked at Emma. “Plus I’m easy on the eyes.”

Emma cleared her throat in an uncomfortable manner then looked down at the floor. “Right, well…um, how does this work?”

The Queen snapped her fingers and the fireplace transformed into a swirling vortex. She got up from the couch and said, “Step through that and we’ll go to the first stop in then memories that are fueling your darkness.” The Queen pursed her lips together and brought her finger up to them. “There is just one thing though.”

Of course there was a clause to this. Emma blew out an annoyed breath. “What is that?”

A wide grin came to the woman’s face. “I get to chose the destination.”

Emma’s eyes widened. “No, no. I won’t allow for it.” She wasn’t going to be forced to deal with issues that she wasn’t quite ready to face yet.

The Queen chuckled and moved closer to Emma. When she was in front of her, she leaned in and whispered, “Dear, you have no say in this. It’s either follow the rules, or you spend the rest of your life trapped inside your own hell where the things you’ve kept hidden come for you.”

Emma stared into the playful eyes that were in front of her. She didn’t know what scared her more the fact that The Queen was enjoying this or that she might not be able to wake up because she wouldn’t be able to face her demons. She drew in a deep breath then said in a quiet voice, “Fine then.”

The Queen tapped her nose with a well manicured fingernail then moved away from her. “Good girl.” She walked over to the swirling vortex and said, “Let’s go to something more recent.”

“Like where?” Emma asked as she took tentative steps towards the dark, mysterious vortex.

“Remember that little village you stumbled into after becoming the Dark One?” The Queen’s grin widened as the blood drained from Emma’s face. “I’ll take that as a yes. I’m thinking we’ll pay that one a visit.”

Emma shook her head. “No. I can’t. The things I did, it was so-” A hand wrapping around her throat, ending her argument.

“Miss Swan, you have no choice in the matter. I may be your guide, but I can also make your life a living hell,” she said in a calm tone. She placed her palm on Emma’s forehead and instantly she was transported to a memory that she had no recollection of.

In the memory she had to have been nine or ten and oversized hand-me downs covered her small, slight frame. She was holding the jacket close as she walked down the street that was in the rundown neighborhood. Emma’s present-day self could feel the bitter cold and she shivered, knowing that the jacket wasn’t doing much to protect her younger self from the cold.

Behind the young girl a car turned onto the street and headlights beamed on her. The engine of the car revved and Emma watched as her younger self started to run. She held onto the ill fitting pants around her waist and tried to outrun the car, but she wasn’t able to. The car drove by her then skidded to a stop. The door flew open and a large man got out of it hollering, “Where the hell do you think you’re going girl?” He lumbered over to Emma’s younger self and even though she was visibly shaking with fear, Emma could also feel it too. Her heart pounded as a panic came over her. She knew that her younger self wouldn’t be able to run away and tears of helplessness began to fall from her eyes.

When the man was towering over young Emma he bent down and picked her up by the front of her jacket. “You think I’m just going to let my meal ticket get away like that? You must be out of your damn mind.”

He carried her back to the car and threw her into the backseat. Emma was transported to the front seat of the car just as the man got into it. After he closed the door he turned around and slapped her younger self hard across the face. Emma tasted blood in her own mouth. “You get the idea to run like that again and I’ll do more than slap you. You fucking understand?”

Tears streamed down young Emma’s face, but she nodded. The man turned around and put the car in gear. Emma turned in the seat and watched her younger self. The young girl wiped at her face as she stared down at the floor board. Emma looked down and saw that there was a bat on the floor of the car. She could feel her younger self’s desire to use it against her foster father, but it was soon replaced by a feeling of hope that told her that she would someday get a better family, one that would treat her better and would actually love her.

Emma was ripped out of the memory and the Queen’s gleaming eyes were looking at her. “My, that was a delicious one. You had every opportunity and yet hope won out.” The Queen tilted her head and ran a finger down Emma’s cheek which still stung from the slap. “Did you ever get that better family you ever wanted?”

Emma tried to get away, but the woman wouldn’t let go of her. She fought for a second longer but then desperation won out. “I was nine years old. Fucking nine!” She shouted. “I was treated like trash. Since birth I was treated like trash. My parents threw me away because of some hope that I would save the day but they didn’t even stop to fucking think about what would happen to me. Every family I got treated me like trash.” She got a handle on her emotions. “I should have killed that asshole. He treated all of his foster children like shit.”

The Queen clicked her tongue a few times. “And yet you didn’t and decided to repress the memory because you hoped that life would get better for you.” She chuckled. “You should always go with your first instinct, dear.” She shoved Emma away. “Now, are we going to do this the easy way or do you want to continue to do this the hard way?”

Emma drew in several breaths and glared at the woman. No, she didn’t want to continue to go into memories that would stir up emotions like that one had just done. She wouldn’t be able to finish the vision quest if she did. Emma wiped away her tears then nodded. “Nice to see you learn quickly. Come along dear.” The Queen stepped through the vortex and Emma followed after her, fearful that the other memories would be like the one she had just experienced.


	3. First Stop On Memory Lane

Regina paced the length of her office at city hall. She was too upset to go home and she didn’t want Henry to see her like this. She had choked Emma, with magic. Regina’s hands shook her at her side and she clasped them together in front of her. She didn’t know what had come over her. Emma had been cruel and heartless towards her and she lost control. All she wanted to do was help the other woman, but having Emma walk away from her after she had belittled her felt like an insult. Regina drew in a deep breath and tried to reassure herself that it was the situation that had provoked her, and not her actually losing control.

Regina took another breath and ran both her hands through her hair. She pulled out her cell phone and called Mary Margret. “Hi Regina what’s going on?”

“Can Henry stay with you and David tonight?” She asked trying to keep her tone light. She didn’t want to worry them about Emma even though she was certain there was something wrong with her. “I have an emergency budget meeting that I need to hold because this town seems to blow through money with all the magical crises that show up.”

Mary Margret laughed then said, “We do have our fair share of those, but yes Henry can stay with us tonight?” She paused then asked, “Have you seen Emma? I haven’t seen or heard from her today.”

Regina brought her hand up to her necklace and played with it. “No I haven’t. Have you tried calling her?”

Mary Margret sighed. “I did but there was no answer. I can’t help but to think that something is wrong with her.” Regina pressed her lips together. “She seemed okay a few days ago, but the last couple of days I’ve noticed days that she’s either not around or unreachable. Has she said anything to you?”

Regina instantly thought about the rant that Emma had gone on at the farmhouse. She had said a lot and Regina had choked her. She sighed. “No she hasn’t said anything to me, but we should have expected this. She was the Dark One for goodness sake. The vilest evil in all the realms, we shouldn’t have expected her to just bounce back after that.” Regina said more for her sake than Mary Margret’s.

She had fallen into the same false sense of security that the others had about Emma. The other woman had seemed okay after being the Dark One for six months, but when she had blown Henry off a few days ago it had rose Regina’s suspicion, but she didn’t dwell on it. Then she started to notice that Emma was closing herself off, so Regina kept an eye on her using a magic mirror. That’s how she found out about Emma going to the farmhouse. Though it worried her, she still didn’t push Emma to talk, but now it seemed like she should have.

Mary Margret sighed in her ear. “This is true. Maybe I’ll go over to her place later and see if she’s all right.”

Regina knew that was a horrible idea as soon as she heard it. “No, don’t do that. Give her some space I’ll check on her later.”

“Okay. Thank you, Regina. I appreciate you looking out for her,” Mary Margret said sounding absolutely grateful.

Regina let out a tense chuckle. “Yes, well if I didn’t then I wouldn’t hear the end of it from Henry.” It wasn’t a complete lie, but it wasn’t the exact truth either. She was doing it more for herself than anyone else. Regina cared about Emma, and it was on a level that if the other woman found out about it she probably would go running in the opposite direction. She sighed. “Mary Margret if you’ll excuse me, I have to get to city hall.”

“Yes, of course. I’ll give your love to Henry.”

“Thank you,” Regina said with a small smile then she ended the phone call. She let out a deep breath then racked her brain about what she was going to do. Emma had to be at the farmhouse since her mother hadn’t seen her and she probably would have remained there after their altercation earlier.

Regina sighed and went over to the couch that was in the sitting area of her office. She got her coat and pulled it on then a cloud of purple smoke enveloped her, taking her to the farmhouse. She winded up in the middle of the field and Regina shook her head as she began to walk over to the house. Her brown hair whipped around her face as the cold winter wind blew. Why Emma couldn’t have her moment of instability in the spring was beyond her, but she was going to deal with it. Regina climbed the steps of the front porch then walked to the door. She reached for the doorknob, and instead of grabbing it, Regina hit a magical barrier which sent her flying off the porch. She landed on the cold hard ground, groaning in pain. Her ass was bruised and as she used magic to heal herself she shouted, “Goddammit Emma, put down the fucking barrier.”

When her ass was healed, Regina got up from the ground and stomped back over to the house. She climbed the steps of the porch, and this time she kept a good distance from the house. She waved her hand over the door. The barrier was a strong one, but it wasn’t anything she wouldn’t be able to get through. She moved to the left and peered into the window. Emma was lying on the floor of the living room between a nice leather sofa and coffee table. Regina’s eyes widened as panic flooded her system. She moved to the door and quickly began to work through the magic that protected the house. She focused all her concentration on getting into the house and didn’t dare to think about what Emma could have possibly done to herself.

Five minutes later the barrier fell and Regina bolted inside the house. She rushed into the living room and dropped onto the floor next to Emma. She shook her, yelling her name. “Emma! Emma!”

The woman didn’t respond and Regina’s panic increased. She saw a light bruise on her face and a trickle of blood that came from the corner of her mouth. Regina felt for Emma’s pulse and it was steady. She let out breath of relief then she became confused. What had Emma done? She immediately thought of a sleeping curse and began to look around for anything that would have introduced the curse into her body. Regina didn’t find anything, but she did find an empty potion vial on the floor. She picked it up and brought it to her nose. The scent wasn’t overwhelming, and she couldn’t tell if there were any hazardous ingredients in it, so she wasn’t able to figure out what Emma had taken.

Regina knew that Emma wasn’t adept at potions so there was only one other person that she could have gotten it from. Regina didn’t want to leave Emma alone but at the same time she wanted answers. Regina used magic to move Emma to the couch then she covered her with a blanket. She stared at her for a moment then sighed. Emma was so damn stubborn that she had chosen to do something that probably put her in danger instead of asking her for help. “Idiot,” Regina muttered under her breath. She left the house and put up another barrier, this one stronger than the last one, then Regina headed for Gold’s shop.

* * *

 The acrid smell of smoke filled Emma’s nostrils as soon as she stepped through the portal; however she wasn’t able to get the chance to react to it. Emma dropped her knees when several, strong and debilitating emotions hit her all at once. They were unrestrained and they crashed into each other one after another. These were the same dark feelings that flooded her system when she became the Dark One — the desire to wreck havoc, an unquenchable bloodlust, and a hunger to inflict pain on others; to make them suffer in every way that was possible.

Emma fell onto the ground and curled up into a ball, grabbing at her head as she tried to battle against the darkness inside of her. She groaned in agony. “Why is this happening?”

She felt a sharp kick to her ribs then the Queen drawled, “How trite.” She chuckled. “Look at this place. It’s something that out does me, and I’ve slaughtered whole villages.” Emma felt another kick to her ribs then The Queen remarked, “Oh, and this? This you feeling whatever memory you feels.” Emma heard the woman’s long coat billow over her head. “How else will you confront your issues if you can’t feel them?” She clicked her tongue. “I think I’ve given you too much credit, you’re as dumb as your hair-brained mother. Did you not realize this from the abusive foster father memory?”

Emma had managed to get on her hands and knees and her eyes were shut tight as she tried to find some shred of herself in the dark chaos that consumed her mind. A laugh, one that sent a chill down Emma’s spine, rang out through the village. It was cold, uncaring, and downright evil. Emma lifted her head and opened her eyes. In front of her, in torn clothes, was herself. With a mixture of fear and incredulity, Emma stared at herself. She had a hard time believing that the person in front of her was her, but she knew it was herself. The memory was hers after all.  Emma stood up and turned to the Queen. “Why here?”

A slow, wicked smile came to the woman’s face. “You know why.”

Emma took in the village. Houses were on fire, dead bodies littered the ground, and those who were still alive were fleeing for their lives. She was still taking in the scene when Emma realized where they were. Her blood ran cold and bile rose to the back of her throat.

When she had first become the Dark One, Emma had stumbled into the village disoriented, unaware of her surroundings, and the darkest of magic coursing through her veins; a kind, older man had stopped to see if she was all right and for his efforts she killed him. With a pointed glare she had managed to turn his head and severe his spine. Watching the man’s lifeless body fall to the ground had sent an orgasmic sensation through her and the violent act had triggered something in the curse that caused her to go on a spree of torturing and killing the village’s inhabitants.

Fire and lightning had flown freely from her hands setting houses a blaze and destroying merchant stalls, and if anyone had gotten killed in the destruction it only added to the dark pleasure that Emma had derived from it. With a wave of her hand she murdered swaths of villagers, and she even tortured some by healing them then taking them back to the brink of death before repeating the process. It was a game that Emma hadn’t gotten bored of, and if she were honest with herself in that moment, it was one of her favorite games. But the murder and destruction weren’t the reason for why they were in this memory; they were here for another reason, a much darker one.

Emma swallowed to moisten her dry throat, but it had no effect. This moment was something that plagued her dreams and caused her to lose sleep. There had been numerous nights, after the dark curse had been extracted from her, where she would wake up and vomit in the waste basket next to her bed because of this very moment. Emma started shaking her head. “No. No. I want to go. I-I-I can’t do this.” Her voice strained as she became desperate. “Please don’t make me do this.” The Queen’s eyes shone with excitement as she looked out at the destruction that was in front of her, ignoring Emma’s pleas. She rushed over to the other woman and Emma grabbed her arm and begged, “Regina, please don’t make me do this. I can’t see-”

A sob escaped Emma just as the Queen pulled away and backhanded her. “Do not call me that,” she scolded through gritted teeth. “If I were her, you wouldn’t be going through the darkest parts of your soul to confront the things that you refuse to face. She would let you continue to lie to yourself while the blackness in you remained and did unspeakable things to you.” She grabbed hold of Emma’s face, nails digging into her skin, and glowered at her. “You drank the potion dear, and like your memories, you have to deal with the consequences.” The Queen gave Emma’s face another painful squeeze then she pushed her away.

Emma rubbed at her face and glared at the woman. The Queen was right. Regina would have coddled her and would have tried to downplay what was going on with her. There was slight disgust on the woman’s face as she remarked, “For a former Dark One you sure are a spineless thing.” Emma glared at her as she wiped her face. The Queen gestured in front of her. “You should be relishing in being able to relive this moment. Take pride in the fact that you were able to bring these peasants to their knees with a wave of your hand.” She grinned. “This is how you get respect.” The Queen drew in a dramatic breath. “It’s exciting and almost arousing.”

Emma stared at the woman in a stunned silence. She had imagined many things about the Evil Queen, and in many different scenarios, but this went beyond that. The woman was cold-hearted and unfeeling and that was something that she had never associated with the darker side of Regina because the woman had chosen to adopt a child; a child that she, herself, had raised and loved. Something about this version of the Queen was off. “How can you say that?” Emma challenged. “These people were innocent and I destroyed everything that they had worked so hard for because of that fucking curse.”

The Queen held up her hand and it was as if she hadn’t even heard a word Emma had said. “Silence.” An excited gleam came to her eyes and she smiled at Emma. “We’re getting to the best part.”

Emma turned and watched the memory version of herself. Fear crept down her spine. She knew what was coming. A bolt of lightning struck one of the houses and it exploded. It was as if dynamite had gone off inside of it. As Emma continued to watch the destruction her other self was causing her stomach began to churn. What was to come next was going to make her throw up.

The smoke was starting to clear when a small child ran in front of the memory version of herself, probably thinking they wouldn’t be seen. Emma’s jaw tightened. She knew that was impossible. The dark curse had enhanced every one of her senses. The child didn’t stand a chance. The other her stretched out her hand and the child was lifted into the air. Their body was ramrod straight and unmoving. Next to her, the Queen murmured, “Well now, what are you about to do?” Emma knew the woman wasn’t expecting answer and she held her tongue. She knew what was going to happen next and tears began to fill her eyes.

The child’s body drifted closer to her other self. When the child was close enough the memory version of Emma stared at them for a second and before she started talking the Queen muttered, “We’re going to miss the entire show if we stay at this distance.” She snapped her fingers and she and Emma were transported closer to Emma the Dark One, and they were behind her. From this new viewpoint they were able to see the terrified expression on the child’s face, a young boy, and there was a visible wet spot on his the front of his pants. Though he was unable to move tears streamed down his face.

Despite the malicious thoughts that were occupying her mind along with her present-day thoughts, Emma was crying with the boy. She felt like there were two different versions of herself that were occupying her mind. One that reveled in the dark display in front of her, and another that regretted it all and wanted to fix everything. “Are you stupid boy?” The other Emma asked. Her tone was menacing and an octave lower than what she normally spoke. “Or do you have a death wish?” The boy said nothing and the other Emma chuckled before lazily waving her hand. “Speak.”

The boy drew in several sharp breaths as he continued to cry and tried to answer the question. “No,” he said in barely audible whisper.

“Louder you cretin!” Memory Emma shouted, her face contorting with irritation; a sign of the short-tempter that Emma had possessed when she was the Dark One. Words couldn’t describe how present-day Emma felt watching the sight in front of her. What was about to occur over the next several minutes made her want to kill herself. The boy didn’t deserve what was going to happen.

The boy drew in a deep breath and calmed down enough to answer the question. “No ma’am.”

“Don’t call me ma’am,” the other Emma ordered. She motioned for the boy’s body to come closer to her. When he was hovering in front of her face she asked, “Do you know who I am?”

Since the boy was unable to move his body, he was forced to use his words. “No.”

Memory Emma clicked her tongue. “It’s a shame that you don’t. You would have kept your miserable hide hidden if you did.” Emma didn’t have to see her own face to see the sadistic smile that could be heard in the next statement. “I’m the Dark One,” the other version of herself said, her voice dropping another octave.

The boy’s eyes widened with amazement then terror filled them. He opened his mouth to scream, but Emma’s memory self made a snatching motion with her hand, and when he tried to scream, not a sound was made. The other version of herself walked around the boy in a slow circle and there was a contemplative look on her face. Present-day Emma wanted it all to be over and be out of the memory, but she knew that her other self was only just starting. She glanced at the Queen and the woman was enthralled by the darker version of herself. There was a look of anticipation on her face as she waited to see what the memory version of Emma was going to do with the boy.

Realizing that there was nowhere for her to run, Emma forced herself to watch what was going to happen to the boy. The other her continued to talk to the boy. “Is your family hiding, boy? Are they still alive?” She waved her hand. “Speak.”

“No ma’am-” The boy let out a deafening scream and Emma’s memory self grinned in delight as he did. However, her present self couldn’t take the sound. Emma flinched at the sound and it broke her heart to hear the sound. She wanted to save him. An invisible whip had torn through the thin, cotton shirt that he was wearing and blood was beginning to seep through it

“I told you not to call me that.”

The young boy’s face was soaked with tears and now that she had inflicted pain on him, they showed no sign of stopping. The boy’s sobs echoed through the open area that had once been the center of the village. Emma watched as her other self moved to stand in front of the boy, bringing him close to her face, then she whispered, “You know what? That was music to my ears. Sing me another song little bird.”

Emma screamed the same time as the young boy did. The next lashing had torn through the back of his shirt and inflicted another stinging wound upon his back. A gleeful laugh accompanied the boy’s screams of pain and Emma could hear the Queen laughing next to her.

“You tortured a child,” the woman preened. “Darling, dark you was a woman to be admired and cherished. Why would you want to lock that away? This version of you is glorious."

Emma stared at the woman that was next to her. Who she was as the Dark One was nothing to brag about, nor was it something that should be celebrated, and the most terrible part of it all was that the worst had yet to come. Emma’s attention was drawn back to her other self when she said, “Come now boy, tell me if there are any more survivors in your family.”

The boy, who was exhausted from crying and the pain that he felt from the lashings he received, drew in a faltering breath then said in a hoarse voice, “No Dark One.”

“Yes,” memory Emma hissed, “that’s a more appropriate title.” She breathed in an exaggerated breath and exhaled. “However, I feel that isn’t the truth.” Her eyes bore into the boy that hovered in front of her. “If I were to set that hovel that you scurried out of on fire would your people come screaming out of it, begging for their lives?” From their position, Emma wasn’t able to see the boy’s face, but she didn’t need to see it. She knew there was fear on it along with uncertainty because of the moral dilemma that lied in front of him. The silence dragged on for another second then memory Emma stated, “So be it boy.”

She held up her hand then slowly extended it out as fire ignited at the end of her finger tips. Emma’s other self was about to shoot fire at the house the boy had come out of when a man shouted, “No! Please, no! Don’t!” He came out of the house and following him was a woman carrying a baby. Memory Emma extinguished the flames that danced on the tips of her fingers as the man rushed over to her. “Dark One, please, let my son go. Take me instead. Make a deal with me.”

Emma’s memory self laughed then as caught her breath she said in a cold tone, “I don’t make deals.”

“You must make a deal,” the man urged. “There isn’t a deal the Dark One cant’s say no to.”

The other Emma scoffed. “You must have me confused with that coward Rumpelstiltskin.” She pointed a finger at the man. “And trust me sir, I am not him.” The man’s body grew taut then he fell to the ground and started convulsing. With her other hand memory Emma gestured with two of her fingers to bring the floating boy closer to her so that he could witness his father’s torture.

“Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be an orphan, boy?” The boy gave a faint response and Emma’s other self shouted, “Don’t be afraid, speak up.”

“No, Dark One,” the boy cried out.

Memory Emma scoffed. “It’s fucking horrible. Maybe you’ll get a decent family that will take you in, but you’re still disposable because you’re not theirs. Maybe you’ll get an abusive family that only sees you as another burden or a way to earn some quick money. Either way your life becomes this massive shit show because you’re at the mercy of others.” She turned her head and looked at the crying boy, a slight smirk playing at her lips. “And now you’re about to become one.” In one fluid motion the other Emma flicked her wrist and flame engulfed the man’s body.

His agonizing screams were chilling and the putrid smell of burning flesh was something that anyone present, aside from the Queen, would remember for the rest of their days. Emma covered her ears to block out the sound but it was futile for her to do so. She vividly remembered the painful howls the man let out as the fire turned him into a charred lump. The boy screamed for his dad next to her other self and the man’s wife shrieking cries were just as loud. Yet, memory Emma wasn’t done and present-day Emma turned away from the scene, bracing her hands on her knees as she felt and overwhelming wave of nausea.

A loud, ear splitting shriek filled the air then the boy’s mother started shouting, “What did you do? My baby, what did you do with her?”

Emma stood up, and though she felt great remorse for what she had put this family through, she was unable to cry anymore. All she could do was feel shame and hate herself for what she had done. Her other self laughed. It was cold, hallow, and vile. Through her laughter memory Emma replied, “Doing you a favor now that you are without a husband, though you will be joining him soon.” A terrifying grin appeared on her face. “I hear the crocodiles of the Nile enjoy the sweet, succulent taste of infant flesh.”

The woman let out a scream of anguish then rushed towards the other her. She had gotten halfway there when she froze mid-charge. Memory Emma casually strolled over to her then gestured to bring the floating boy with her. The Queen followed after them and Emma stood in place, she couldn’t watch anymore. The other woman looked back at her. “Come along dear. If you’re going to learn anything you have to be able to hear yourself.”

Emma shook her head. “No. I’m done. I don’t need to see anymore. I know what happens. Let’s leave.”

The Queen rolled her eyes in exasperation then made a gesture with her hand. Emma shot into the air a few feet and she was unable to move. The Queen chuckled. “I’m taking a page out of your book Dark One.”

“I am not the Dark One,” Emma shouted. She wasn’t the Dark One. She didn’t have the curse in her anymore.

The Queen waved her hand and Emma’s body floated closer to her. “If you say that then maybe you’ll start to believe it,” the woman remarked in a dry tone.

The two of them went over to where memory Emma, the boy, and his mother were. They had just caught the tail end of the conversation that was being held. “….tell your mother you love her.”

The boy sobbed and gasped several times before saying, “I love you mama.”

“I love you too,” the woman returned through her tears. She took a deep breath. “Don’t be afraid. Mama will be okay.”

The other Emma hummed. “Bravery in the face of death, how ordinary.” She moved closer and invaded the woman’s personal space. “Show us how you really feel, woman. Show us your fear. Your fear of death, the fear of what will happen to your son, the fear that one day he will grow up to be just like me because of this.” She chuckled. “Who knows, I might take him under my wing and make him the Dark One’s apprentice.” She turned and looked at the boy. “Would you like that, boy? Would you like to be taught at the knee of one of the most powerful beings in all the realm?”

He shook his head. “No I don’t want that. You’re a monster.”

A cruel sneer came to the other Emma’s face and she snarled, “I am not a monster, but if you want a monster I will fucking show you one.” Her arm shot out and her hand plunged deep into the chest of woman in front of her. The excitement shimmered in her eyes and Emma remembered the way the woman’s beating heart felt in her hands. Emma wanted to retch as a horrible wave of nausea came over her, but she was unable to due to the magic that the Queen was using against her.

The other her yanked out the woman’s heart then held it up, smiling as it glowed in front of her. She snapped her fingers and the boy fell to the ground. Before he could run to his mother she caught him by the back of his shirt and clicked her tongue. “That’s not why I freed you, boy.” She pulled him back then took hold of arm, placing his mother’s heart in the palm of his hand. “Squeeze it.”

The boy looked up at her, frightened. “I-I-I don’t want to.”

Memory Emma bent down in front of him and she placed her hand on his and forced him to squeeze his little fingers around the glowing organ. He cried as his mother’s screams of pain echoed through the ruined village. Emma’s other self was grinning like a woman who had just coveted the world’s greatest treasure. When the heart was nothing but dust in their hands memory Emma whispered, “Good, very good. You’re an orphan now boy.” She stood up. “May your life will be as miserable as mine was, maybe you’ll get lucky.” Emma’s other self shrugged. “Either way I won’t be around to find out.”

Memory Emma began to walk away from the boy who wept over the loss of his family. She whistled a jaunty tune as she did then seconds later a cloud of grey smoke enveloped her and she was gone. Emma felt numb. She had done all of that and without a second thought. She wanted to blame the curse and not being able to control herself, but those would be excuses. She was a monster. The dark vortex appeared out of nowhere and the Queen headed for it and motioned for Emma to follow after her.


	4. Hello Darkness My Old Friend...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this was longer, whoops. But do enjoy the short update.

When the Queen and Emma were back at the farmhouse the Queen turned and looked at her, a wide grin on her face. “Who would have thought that Charming and Snow’s little Savior was capable of such vile behavior.”

Emma walked over to the couch and dropped down onto it. She rested her elbows on her knees and covered her eyes with the palms of her hands. She couldn’t deal with the Queen at the moment. What she had witnessed had been too harrowing and the emotions were still too fresh. She had been working to repress the memory for a reason. She had caused that boy a lifetime of pain in the matter of twenty minutes. It ate at her like acid.

Emma felt the Queen sit next to her on the couch and when the woman’s finger ran down the side of her neck she jumped off of the couch, glaring at her. “What’s the matter darling? Can’t handle the trauma you deal out to others?” She scoffed. “I don’t think you can handle any type of pain well.”

Emma glowered at the woman then said, “That wasn’t me.”

The Queen rolled her eyes. “And I didn’t try to kill your mother on numerous occasions.” She sighed then gave Emma a pointed look. “If it wasn’t you then who was it?”

“It was the dark curse,” Emma shouted as she waved her arm out.

The Queen got up and walked over to Emma. She struck her hard across the face. “No, you don’t get to do that, and each time you blame the curse, you will get punished.”

Emma rubbed her cheek and narrowed her eyes at the woman. “It was the fucking curse. I’m not-“

The Queen backhanded her and one of the rings that she was wearing landed hard on Emma’s lip, splitting it open. The woman grabbed her by hair then growled in her ear, “What did I just say? Do I need to beat some sense into you?” Emma glared at the woman in defiance and the Queen yanked on her hair. “Who killed that boy’s family?”

Emma swallowed several times then sucked on her bleeding lower lip. She wanted to say the curse, but she didn’t want the Queen to beat the shit out of her. “I did.”

“Why?” The woman demanded

Emma closed her eyes to block out the Queen’s hard gaze. She never thought about the why. The curse was a good enough reason for her to not go any further than that, but now that she was having to face the truth without being able to use the as a reason, scared her. She drew in a breath. “Because I could.”

“Because you could?” The Queen questioned. “Yes, that’s a very easy and logical answer, but that’s not the truth.” The woman plunged her other hand deep into Emma’s chest. “Dig deep Savior, and tell me why you tortured that boy then killed his family in front of him?”

The hand that had a tight hold around Emma’s heart clenched and she groaned in pain. There was another squeeze and she howled in pain as tears flowed down her cheeks. “I wanted him to suffer,” she screamed through her tears. “I wanted him to know pain. To know life as an orphan because I could do it. Knowing that he would suffer the same fate as I did. That’s why I did it, but it wasn’t the same.” She stopped and the Queen’s hand slipped from her chest.

“And why wasn’t it the same, dear?” The Queen asked as she let go of Emma’s hair then moved to brush off the sleeve of her coat.

Emma drew in several deep breaths then revealed, “He knew his parents. They got to love him. Whereas me, I had nothing. I had shitty ass home after shitty ass home.”

The Queen eyed her then her eyebrow arched up. “Then why do it at all?”

Emma pinned the woman down with a hard stare and replied, “Because it felt good.” She balled her hands up and clenched her jaw as the same dark emotions began to flow through her. “To cause that boy that much pain was exhilarating. And I would do it again.”

The Queen looked at her for a second then a slow smirk tugged at the corners of her mouth. She reached out and caressed Emma’s sore cheek. “You know, a woman could find you irresistible if you’d indulge your dark side more. You’re quite attractive when you’re being sinister.”

Emma jerked her head away from the woman’s touch and scoffed. “That isn’t who I am now.”

“But isn’t it?” The Queen asked with a smile on her face that was nauseatingly sweet. “You just admitted that it gave you satisfaction to kill that boy’s family and torture him then said you would do it again. How is that not a part of who you are?”

“That was the-” Emma stopped and glared at the Queen, frustrated that the one excuse that would justify her actions had been taken from her. Her sore lip and cheek were reminders of what awaited her if she dared to utter the words the Queen had forbidden. Emma forced out a breath and called upon her magic so that she could conjure a glass of whiskey. When nothing happened, she frowned. She held out her hand and tried again, still nothing happened. She looked at the Queen. “What the hell?”

The Queen laughed at her. “Silly girl, you can’t do magic. That would give you an escape from the problems that you need to confront.” She smirked. “But I guess I can assist, what’s your poison, dear?”

“Whiskey, neat.” Emma replied with an irritated glare. Not having access to her magic was troubling. It had been the one thing that she could depend on lately and how the Queen had magic while she didn’t was a little perplexing as well. There were a lot of things about this vision quest that were unsettling to Emma, and she started to think that Gold had withheld information from her. A crystal tumbler appeared in her hand and it held two fingers of whiskey. She tossed back the contents of the glass then demanded in a gruff voice, “More.” The glass refilled, this time with more liquor and she took a long drink from it then lowered the glass. She drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out. Her mind wandered back to the conversation that she and the Queen were having.

Hurting people and being cruel to them wasn’t who she was, but on some level it was. When she was younger she wanted to hurt those that hurt her in order to take control of her life, so that she wasn’t at the mercy of others, but Emma thought that she had moved beyond that. She took another drink from her glass and finished off her whiskey. She didn’t know what to do with this information. “I-” She started, but then stopped letting out a small sigh. “I don’t want to hurt people. Yeah, I felt like making some people hurt when I was younger because they hurt me, but that was because of my shitty childhood, and it made me angry and resentful. That’s not who I am anymore.”

The Queen walked a few paces way from her then turned, her long coat flying behind her, and she held up a finger. “It may not be a part of who you are to others, but it’s still a part of you. You’ve always had a dark side, Savior, and the curse gave it the food it needed to grow.”  Emma thought about what the Queen was saying. Her thoughts were interrupted when the other woman remarked, “I hope all your issues aren’t tied to your childhood because that will get boring fast.” She snapped her fingers and her eyes brightened with excitement. “Oh, I have a brilliant idea.”

The Queen grabbed Emma’s hand then pulled her towards the vortex. Emma was confused about where they were going, but that was quickly replaced with dread. With the Queen being the one that decided which of her darkest memories that she was going to face, Emma was fearful of what memory she was going to be forced to relive next.

* * *

Rather than just appearing in Gold’s pawn shop, Regina materialized outside of it then barged through the door. The bell above it rang out her arrival, but Regina still called out, “Gold! Where are you, you spineless sack of shit.”

The man took his time emerging from the back of the shop. As he walked through the jeweled curtain that hung on the doorway there was a fake smile plastered on his face. “Madam Mayor. What do I owe the pleasure? Here to cause me more misery or are you here with that wizard to screw with my life some more?”

Regina rolled her eyes in annoyance. She wasn’t going to apologize for what she and Merlin had done to save Emma. It was a decision that she would make over and over again if it meant that Emma wasn’t being tempted by some malicious curse that she wouldn’t be able to handle. Regina walked over to the counter that the man stood behind and retorted, “Stop your whining. You knew that spell could have gone a number of ways and the reason why curse chose you again is because you were the weakest. But that’s not why I’m here.” She held out her palm and a small purple cloud appeared then disappeared, revealing the vial that Regina had found at the farmhouse. “What was in this?”

Gold plucked the vial off of her palm then brought it up to his nose while he kept his eyes on Regina. He took a sniff of the opening then glanced down at it. “What makes you think that I know what was in this?”

Regina leaned in and glared at the man. “There are several practitioners of magic in this town, but only four that have the knowledge of potion making. Zelena wouldn’t dare give Emma a potion, and neither would I. Blue would never even dream of it. I also know that Emma doesn’t know how to make a potion so that leaves one other person, you.”

Gold stared at her then smirked. “Aren’t you the clever little sleuth? But I’m afraid I won’t be telling you that information. If Miss Swan wanted you to know what she was doing she would have told you, would she have not?”

Regina started to argue, but didn’t. She wasn’t going to let Gold know that she was worried about Emma. She cleared her throat then brushed a lock of her hair out of her face. “I think a former Dark One drinking a potion raises some concern wouldn’t you think?”

Gold chuckled and shook his head. “You’re not fooling anyone, dearie. You may fool those other idiots and the Savior, but not me. You’re worried about your little Savior and think she’s done something that can’t be undone.”

“Is that what she’s done? Something that can’t be undone?” Regina asked, anxious to know what Emma had ingested so that she could help her then talk some sense into her.

Gold smirked. “Again, I won’t be telling you that. That’s something for Miss Swan to tell you.” His smirk turned into a wide grin. “That’s if she ever wakes up.” Regina scowled at the man. She wasn’t going to allow the imp to keep information from her, not if Emma’s life depended on it. Regain held out her hand and Gold rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Do you actually think you’re strong enough to subdue me?” He chuckled. “You’re not as powerful as you think you are, Regina.”

Gold made his way from behind the counter then moved to where she was standing. He stopped a few inches in front of Regina and their eyes were locked on each other. Gold smiled. “Face it, ever since you’ve started down your path of redemption, and trying to be a hero, you’ve gone soft. Oh, sure you still have a sharp tongue and a quick wit, but your magic isn’t as strong as it once was.”

Regina stared the man down. She knew that he was goading her so that she would retaliate against him, and she wanted to. Just beneath the surface she could feel her anger boiling and magic danced at her fingertips, waiting to be unleashed on the irritating man. She wanted to make him pay, considering what he had put her through for decades, but she wasn’t going to do it.

Regina scoffed. “Don’t stand there pretending to be more powerful than me when we both know you aren’t. If you were, you would have been able to make the bookworm stay with you.” Gold’s eyes narrowed and she grinned. “Oh, did I hit a nerve? To be honest, I think Belle dodged a bullet. She saw how much of a coward you were, taking in the curse again and not even bothering to fight it.” Regina laughed. “Even Emma, a total novice at magic, was able to fight the dark curse. You on the other hand rolled over like some submissive bitch.” A disgusted look came to her face. “Pathetic.”

Regina saw Gold’s jaw tighten as he pinned her down with an angry gaze. She got a triumphant smile on her face. She had managed to get under his skin and it made her want to inflict more pain onto him. Gold drew in a deep breath through his nose then said in a controlled voice, “I suggest you leave my shop because your business with me is quite done.”

Regina leaned in so their faces were close. “Not until you tell me what you gave Emma you sorry excuse of a man.”

They held each other’s gazes. Regina could feel her control hanging on by a thread. Before she was just posturing, but now she was in real danger of losing her control and was close to doing things to Gold that she hadn’t done in almost three decades. “No,” the man in front of her stated in tone that dripping in arrogance.

A dagger materialized in Regina’s hand before she could think through what she was doing, but now that she was holding it, she decided to use it. She brought the sharp knife up and held it against Gold’s throat. “Tell me or I will do things to you that will make you beg for me to kill you.”

Gold leaned forward, the sharp blade cutting into his skin. “Like you would even dare.”

Regina held the dagger in a tight grip and stared at him a second longer before she got rid of it, then she turned around and began to walk away from him. Gold started to laugh and she turned on her heel then held out her hand. A wave of magic expelled from her palm and slammed hard into Gold’s chest. He flew backward and crashed into the glass display case. A satisfied smirk came to Regina’s face then she walked out of the man’s shop.

No sooner had she taken two steps away from the shop did Regina’s body start to tremor. Everything she had done had come from a side of herself that she had been trying to lock away, and it scared her. She had been working so hard to prove that she wasn’t the Evil Queen anymore, and to have those same responses come rushing to the surface with such ease was disconcerting. Regina placed a hand to her stomach and drew in several deep breaths. She was going to focus on that later. Right now she was going to help Emma and if Gold wasn’t going to help her then she was going to enlist the help of the only other person in town that would be able to figure out what potion Emma had taken.


End file.
